it wasn't lemon gatorade
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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