I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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