You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
