just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
