Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
