Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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