and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
