I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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