does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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