Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
