i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
