I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
