If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
