i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
