i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
