This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize