I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
