then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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