Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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