I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
