She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
