does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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