maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
