she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
