i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
