D3 body, D1 cock
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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