wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
