Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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