i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
