chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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