If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
