I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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