Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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