You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
