So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
