if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found your dick twin last night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
