oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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