I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize