Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
