I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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