id be glad to
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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