I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
