Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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