ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
