Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
