I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
