ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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