Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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