I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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