I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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