Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
