I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
